I want to eat!!

I need to eat! sigh... why i no appetite? the sun's fading but nvr rising. Why? Lord, grant me strength, hope. I want to feel again. 

Give me strong focus... I need them. Get things out where they should not be. I want to go home. i hate US.

Just yesterday, I had a dinner with some church people and yes an expected celebration birthday which i felt very uncomfortable. I too had my face filled with cream for the first time. It wasn't too happy moment having to realise that my birthday resulted and argue and both of us had to hold our relationship. I don't know anymore how to treat her. I don't wish to miss her as I suffered a lot since she's not going to put any effort in this relationship since she not going to love me more than things she have in the stupid US. its painful but what can I do? I cant avoid the dinner. They had an introduction where each one was suppose to tell their name, course and about the person next to me.

I have a fren who found her love here. and it reaches the guy's turn, he was to talk about his girl which was next to him. There goes everyone teasing him saying how sweet are things he is going to say. All listen closely. Thinking again, I too had a dinner last time.

An usher reunion dinner back in m'sia. in a thai restaurant outside a shopping mall. where they tease me and her. What is wrong? The pain rolled in I lucky it did not last long or I'd really go crazy and lose myself. 

God, pls give me strength each day.